My brain says no but my pants say off.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
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I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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