I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize