Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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