I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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