I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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