i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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