We're like a lot better than the average bears
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize