cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
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We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
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This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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