i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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