Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize