I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize