Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

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  (202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me. http://tfl.nu/uo6c
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.

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  (708): so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone. http://tfl.nu/y8ai
  Replies (16) Good night (4465) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  our cab driver is having phone sex.

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  (773): our cab driver is having phone sex. http://tfl.nu/18ax
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction

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  (864): I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction http://tfl.nu/jk7c
  Replies (71) Good night (5410) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea

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  (978): I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea http://tfl.nu/kyal
  Replies (28) Good night (3479) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Is he smart?

  (1-952): View more from Minnesota

  Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.

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  (952): Is he smart? (1-952): Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half. http://tfl.nu/hxnn
  Replies (20) Good night (5861) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.

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  (405): he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love. http://tfl.nu/r7jm
  Replies (19) Good night (5900) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me

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  (702): facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me http://tfl.nu/rfhz
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.

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  (586): he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great. http://tfl.nu/bqct
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.

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  (804): They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones. http://tfl.nu/bfce
  Replies (18) Good night (896) Bad night (4316) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself

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  (815): I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself http://tfl.nu/6sc5
  Replies (2) Good night (1032) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.

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  (605): Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me. http://tfl.nu/wtwx
  Replies (8) Good night (1179) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.

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  (740): She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid. http://tfl.nu/r9er
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  "Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.

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  (319): "Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits. http://tfl.nu/w2vw
  Replies (8) Good night (400) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.

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  (804): You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats. http://tfl.nu/xqs5
  Replies (5) Good night (864) Bad night (163) Order T-Shirt

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