Got a toothbrush?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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