If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
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