chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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