i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
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I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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