You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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