No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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