I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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