And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize