I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it's great music for shaving your balls
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He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
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I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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