How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
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When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize