You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
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I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
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I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize