So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize