My first STD was from a foam party
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize