This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
porn star boner night. come get it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize