kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He did a backflip because drugs
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