I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
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I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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