There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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