Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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