remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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