Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
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I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
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Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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