I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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