I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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