I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
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I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
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Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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