I need help removing her.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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