What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize