my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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