help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
No stitches, just platelets and will power
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He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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