How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize