had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
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You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
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That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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