Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize