On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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