shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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