you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
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we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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