I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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