Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
ttyl tear gas
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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