I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
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I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
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If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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