I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
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I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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Come share oat with me in your robe
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize