my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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