all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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